"Do you need more crayons, writing paper or these coloring books? Take whatever you want... anything you need at school. " he said.
I approached the counter with a handful of colored pens and a roll of writing paper with him at my side. He then took out his black leather wallet and pulled some crisp bills to pay out my whims. I, on the other hand, held close to him and stared at him- in awe of his seemingly valiant stance.
I remember this moment. Those were the few moments I was in awe of him. I was astonished of who he was... I adored him but not what he became.
The clock says 10:08 p.m.The rain falls hard blurring my view from the bus window. It is cold and the time freezes. I felt cold... I felt alone and helpless... you were cold, you were alone and helpless.
I moved far away from you and I wanted to. Further... until this space is filled with anger, resentment and bitterness and the only thread that connected us are these short memories of then and there.
"Happy birthday, my dearest. I am sorry I could not buy you a decent birthday card" he wrote in his cigarette's aluminum foil.
You grinned at me with your widest smile and with a lost front tooth. I, on the other hand, folded the foil and fought back the tears. Not once have you failed to remember my birthday- a day shy away from yours. I have believed that I was your gift and that you were worth this precious gift. You were precious in my eyes then. I was in awe of you... I was astonished of who you were but you were different. You felt different.
Passengers aligned the aisle and I stared at them. The clock now reads 10:14 p.m. The rain has stopped but the view is still blurred. There were faces outside- strangers' faces.
You felt a stranger to me.
I moved far away from you not that I wanted to. You tried to fill all the spaces in between with new memories of then and there. But it was too late.
"I thank you- without you I will not see the beauty of this world", I said in my graduation message.
I scanned the audience. Eyes stared at me and at 16, I didn't care of those strangers' eyes. I searched and looked for you. But I didn't find you.
I assumed everyone in that small town knew of our story and it was unclear how their idea of you was different from mine.
The clock says 10:43 p.m. I am nearing my bus stop. The rain has long halted but the view is still blurred. My tears had blurred my view.
Your time stopped and all I held on are these tears from memories of there and then.
You are now far away from me not that I wanted to.
You never had your second chance.
But whenever it is painful and hopeless, these memories of then and there are your second chances.
To you my father. I may have let go of the white balloon in your funeral but I won't let go of our memories of then and there.
