But when you admitted that you, aside from me and probably my mom (who happens to be the president of this blogsite club), read this blog of countless un-philosophical ideas on hatred, anger, life, happiness, forgiveness and anything under the sun and about the sun. Here I am writing again, writing for you and sharing my "black book" thoughts with you (and oh probably my mom).
November 13, 2013 9pm
I have finally met you- my dearest half sister. My adult brain (that is capable of comprehension and reality) has once believed that I am his only daughter. I did imagine in blur your conceptual existence and yet now I have finally met you (or hypothetically).
I have never imagined that him leaving us created a space where I have you and Tom; him leaving us left not marks but scars of what-ifs and should-have-been's. You are right, we can no longer bring him back from the grave and we should no longer fill the vacuous void his past had created for you and me.
I am not smart though (like you and your mom thought about me). Most especially, I am not forgiving too. Because if I am,I would have forgiven myself first from the guilt and shame that haunts my present and future.
I may have forgiven him (or hypothetically).
I may have forgiven him (or hypothetically).
There is too much to tell you my dear half sister. How it never turned out so well for us, for me and you and for him most especially. For now I will be keeping my only vivid memory I have of you.
Maybe it is a curse or blessing (or hypothetically) that as a child, we had no control of how our journeys unfold for us. We simply had no choice and control then- like I did not choose to grow up in a fatherless family. And I guess growing up is not perfect for you as well. Life is indeed messy, and as our journey unfolds,we have but one choice to delight in tiny surprises no matter how terrible our miseries are or were.
I am happy to have met you (or hypothetically). This is by far my definition of a beautiful tragedy- how his death binds us again.
