The best thing about having a single job and no commitments is that I have more time to sleep and slack off, and that now, my usual routine involves going to and from work, doing household chores and going to my JAM moment at alabang. With enough time- I practically finished hand stitching the five pouches I had started three months ago, invented recipes that both my brothers admittingly worshipped, did more favors for my co-staff and friends and devotedly watched every week the episodes of the recently concluded Project Runway Philippines and soon-to-be-truimphed-by-my-faves-geoff-and-tish- Amazing Race Asia.
But I never thought that by slacking off, I realized that there's just too much other people needs to know about me and consequently, there's just too much that I need to learn about myself. Aside from having a disturbing temper attitude during my duty days handling GEN PED 4 patients, I also have some little funny outward imprints. So technically, this post aims only to reveal what only few knows about me.
One thing that most people don't know about me is that every Sunday I usually have my JAM moments-- my special Jesus-and-me moments. This is a personal version of what emo, depressed people coined as their "you and me against the world moments", only that-- I am not plotting against the world and that I am not depressed at present. (The use of the word present, means that I have been depressed in the past and that in the future, I pray that I will be devoid of such animosity).
During my usual JAM days, I enjoy sleeping at the fx on my route to Alabang Hills. There were instances, although undocumented, when I over slept and was literally caught by the fx driver to be snoring and drooling. And the extremes of my sleeping, snoring and drooling included mopping my saliva on the fx windows and resting my head on the shoulders of total strangers often: "macho manongs". After my fx trips, I am grateful, that the reward of being in the church far outweighs the humiliation I received from such unreserved actions.
But enough of unimportant details about me.
Not long ago, I started adopting "forbearance" or the ability to "just" keep everything unacceptable, substandard and offensive to oneself . My discovery and adoption of the concept mostly are integrated in caring for my patients. It is a given fact that I am, at times, stubborn and difficult to relate with because of my disturbing temper. But then, as I always say, God is not yet finished with me and that I am hoping that it's not yet too late for a redemption.
In the recent weeks, I became belligerent with three previous Gen Ped 4 residents, one neuro intern, a neuro patient's mother ( who was too manipulative), a co-worker and some other patients' bantays. I was at lost, too tired, selfish and sightless of the reasons why I chose to be in Pedia and why I am called for in this profession. I am then fed up of doing everything, even out of other's and especially my own expectations. And for that I am deeply sorry...
In as much as I wanted to delve into the specifics, I think I would rather not. I would bravely end this confession abruptly, praying that for my next post: I am a changed person.
