It was difficult to fathom a voice not so everyday heard. A voice that everyday I sought but still could not hear the whispers. I once heard it fluttering my heart with wisdom, and genuineness but I was engrossed of finishing all and finishing once and so the hush was obscured...
Today I was at my third morning handling 2 intubated patients and fourteen more demanding a little of my attention and effort. I was on my first hour (+:10) on little aivyn. The moment i saw him I was worried on how he looked: alar flaring, tachypneic and pale. It seemed the vent lost its function of synchronization with my patient's efforts. But there's something in him, I could not impede in my cyclic thinking-- the way he communicated his fears. I was wondering how a week old child could communicate his fears without knowing that fears exist in the first place. His fears was explicitly expressed while he was gasping for breath in securely closed eyes. I think he feared nothing but losing and failing to fight for his life.
I am thinking at this second, of the fears I had when I was a child, and sometimes fears do come in a package like aivyn's: "gasping for air" and "in eyes shut". I feared a lot when I was young: I feared of growing up without a father, I feared of the numbing pain when hurt physically, I feared of not meeting half of everybody's expectations, I feared of being the only girl in the family, I feared of not being able to wipe my own tears and I feared not of crying but how to stop crying.
But as I earned years walking in the phase of this earth, fears became opportunities of God's mighty power.There maybe fears of inferiorities and emptiness, fears that the devil instilled in my human system. Every little fear I had if claimed in His Cross,fears are automatically erased.
Sometimes fears are so tangible and intangible- increasing its confusion and aftermath.Fears lurk in the deepest and darkest tunnels of the heart and without acceptance, these deceitfully snatch the only energy that shakes it off in the light.
Today I was at my third morning handling 2 intubated patients and fourteen more demanding a little of my attention and effort. I was on my first hour (+:10) on little aivyn. The moment i saw him I was worried on how he looked: alar flaring, tachypneic and pale. It seemed the vent lost its function of synchronization with my patient's efforts. But there's something in him, I could not impede in my cyclic thinking-- the way he communicated his fears. I was wondering how a week old child could communicate his fears without knowing that fears exist in the first place. His fears was explicitly expressed while he was gasping for breath in securely closed eyes. I think he feared nothing but losing and failing to fight for his life.
I am thinking at this second, of the fears I had when I was a child, and sometimes fears do come in a package like aivyn's: "gasping for air" and "in eyes shut". I feared a lot when I was young: I feared of growing up without a father, I feared of the numbing pain when hurt physically, I feared of not meeting half of everybody's expectations, I feared of being the only girl in the family, I feared of not being able to wipe my own tears and I feared not of crying but how to stop crying.
But as I earned years walking in the phase of this earth, fears became opportunities of God's mighty power.There maybe fears of inferiorities and emptiness, fears that the devil instilled in my human system. Every little fear I had if claimed in His Cross,fears are automatically erased.
Sometimes fears are so tangible and intangible- increasing its confusion and aftermath.Fears lurk in the deepest and darkest tunnels of the heart and without acceptance, these deceitfully snatch the only energy that shakes it off in the light.
