In a dark and damp room, I found myself drifting away from the vacuous cynicism of life, faith and love, in general. I realized that how much I try to correct every mistake in my life, the more I am incessantly reminded that I have no ability to right every inconceivable wrong. And the more I have tried perfecting every single imperfection that my egotistic mind generated, all efforts are just one set of missed baseball pitches.
I have lost the ability to recognize that sunsets have contrasting hues of black, blue, orange, yellow and red. What had happened to that little girl who was fond of watching sunsets in her hometown's seashore and that in every sunset she had, all she could mumble in herself was that all her dreams will definitely come true. To that little girl, sunsets were her dream portals. And now, when I stare at it , all I see is just the sun setting and settling into the beds of the ocean's roaring waves. No more wishes, no more dreams, no more portals, just plain sunsets.
I have lost the awe in every falling star brushing thru the skies. I no longer recognize that stars fall just so they could meet their destiny... that they were tired of just hanging above the earth who had not once failed to be in utmost wonder of her twinkling and light. What happened to that old self who believed in happy endings and sappy first loves. Who rationalized less on signals, who did not apply the complexities of x and y variables and the square roots of formulae to figure out a guy's intentions.
I have failed to identify the difference between a full moon and its half counterpart, no longer recognized that the moonlight emanating from a full moon, half moon or quarter moon are all the same and has the ability to clear some of life's conundrums. I have failed to delineate the distinction of a crowded room to an unoccupied room. I realized that in a crowd of strange faces, you could not help but feel alone. People, yes people were meant to say goodbye. And it doesn't matter where, when and how... But the truth is, people do say goodbye.
What happened to that little girl who laugh in every blunders and spilled soda in her blouse; who was contented in life's simple pleasures of friendships and free lollipops; who had her dreams of perfect endings in love. What happened to her?
Maybe she just grew up.
