She was calling her mother for 10 times or more. The other forty three patients were irritated and agitated how her screams reverberated through the walls of the hospital ward. Doctors and nurses were all unmindful of her. She was my patient and yet I was oblivious of her pain as I was busy taking down my patient assignments and my other patients' needs. Her sister who had vigilantly watched her had left her and went outside probably to light a stick and hoped that in every exhale, her sister would once cooperate even for this night.
She was a typical uncooperative adolescent who hated being hospitalized. Every now and then, she had frequent outbursts when we force to put an oxygen mask or inject holes through her skin. She would scream on top of her lungs to communicate how she hated pain, not the physical pain but the turmoil of feelings of hopelessness and loneliness. She had already gave up on herself as she pulled out her intravenous lines. innumerable times. Her hair was a mess, her heart was too.
I am on permanent night shift. "This night was no ordinary night", I thought to myself. I had a lot to do for tonight. Two patients on machines to prioritize,seven patients to feed every three to four hours, eight to check on their fluids and this one girl to calm every now and then.At 2 am, I changed her oxygen tank and made sure the strap fitted her comfortably. At 3 am, she was having a struggle with her father and was screaming once more. Her father who substituted the sister to watch over , was tired from the trip and dozed off at 3:30 am as soon as her daughter slept.
She was tired as she limply settled on her side to sleep. At 4 am, I had my rounds and checked on her. She was sleeping but she was battling in her sleep. Even in her sleep she was struggling, struggling to live... struggling to breathe. At 4:30 am, I brought my ear close to her face and heard not a single faint of breathing from her. I touched her and she was already cold. Her hands were all blue, her eyes were closely shut as if she was afraid to open them once more and find herself in a prison of helplessness.
She had her death in her sleep. The doctors tried their best to revive her. But in the end, she had fought enough.
